i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Randomize
