Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just google imaged poop.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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