I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
