is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
