look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
