Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
