It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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