Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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