I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
