It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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