I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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