Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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