I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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