I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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