70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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