Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
