Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
