dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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