remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it was like eating out sand paper
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
