She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
