omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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