just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
