he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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