Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
