In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Randomize
