You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
