you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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