There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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