Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
