hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
