I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
