I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize