I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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