tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
