I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She needs sedatives and a leash
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
