Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
