I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
