Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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