u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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