i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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