I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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