Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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