Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
