Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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