i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
