Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
