if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i think my tv is drunk
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
