hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
