Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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