dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
