Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So here I am, sexting at work.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
